Day forty : The Incident

Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
At junction eight the traffic starts to slow
Artilleries of braking lights and bluish glow
Ascending in a plumage of twisted steel
Shattered glass and confetti dashed upon the wheel
Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
When a car crash gets you off you’ve lost your grip
When a fuck is not enough you know you’ve slipped
When a church is full it means you’ve just been had
When the world has gone to seed you’re so detached
Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
Get demolished
You get demolished
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Got a feeling that I want you to be
Got a feeling that I want you to be there
Driving by on my way to somewhere else
I fill my lungs with a noxious burning smell
There is weed and grey concrete like this for miles
Dead souls in my rear view mirror hitch a ride a while
I want to be loved
Want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…
I want to be loved
Just want to be loved…

The Incident , Porcupine Tree

Day thirty four : The Demon in My View

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still—
From the torrent, or the fountain—
From the red cliff of the mountain—
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder, and the storm—
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view
—Alone , Edgar Allan Poe

Day twenty nine: Heart of the Sun

Witness the man who waves at the wall
Making the shape of his question to heaven
Whether the sun will fall in the evening
Will he remember the lesson of giving?
Set the controls for the heart of the sun

-Pink Floyd , Set The Controls for the Heart of the Sun.

Day twenty eight : Fragments

For I do not exist: there exist but the thousands of mirrors that reflect me. With every acquaintance I make, the population of phantoms resembling me increases. Somewhere they live, somewhere they multiply. I alone do not exist.
– Vladimir Nabokov

Day twenty six : you want it darker

Magnified, sanctified
Be the holy name
Vilified, crucified
In the human frame
A million candles burning
For the help that never came
You want it darker
Hineni, hineni
I’m ready, my Lord
There’s a lover in the story
But the story’s still the same
There’s a lullaby for suffering
And a paradox to blame
But it’s written in the scriptures
And it’s not some idol claim
You want it darker
We kill the flame

-Leonard Cohen

Day twenty five : fade out , September 2018.

Out at the train tracks
I dream of escape
But a song comes onto my iPod
And I realize it’s getting late
And I can’t take the staring
And the sympathy
And I don’t like the questions “How do you feel?”
“How’s it going in school?”
And “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Way out
Way out of here
Fade out
Fade out, vanish
And I’m trying to forget you
And I know that I will
In a thousand years, or maybe a week
Burn all your pictures, and cut out your face
The shutters are down and the curtains are closed
And I’ve covered my tracks
Disposed of the car
Trying to forget even your name and the way that you look
When you’re sleeping
Dreaming of this
Way out
Way out of here
Fade out
Fade out, vanish

-Porcupine Tree , Way out of here

Day twenty one : Time

“And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say”

Day nineteen : Cloudy Now

In a violent place, we can call our country
There’s a mixed up man and I guess that’s me
The sun’s in the sky but the storm never seems to end
It’s a place of sorrow but we call it a home
And the darkest thoughts
Yeah, I guess they’re my own
There’s wealth in the bank
But there’s nothing to show inside
It’s cloudy now
It’s cloudy now
It’s cloudy now
It’s gettin’ cloudy now

–Blackfield – Cloudy Now

Day sixteen : And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan’t crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
– Dylan Thomas

Day fifteen: Vicarious

” Don’t look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a junkie
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
Why, oh why?
‘Cause I need to watch things die
From a distance
Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don’t lie
Why can’t we just admit it?
Why can’t we just admit it?
We won’t give pause until the blood is flowing
Neither the brave nor bold
The writers of stories sold
We won’t give pause until the blood is flowing
I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance
Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can’t we just admit it?
Blood like rain come down
Drawn on grave and ground
Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the transmittal
Sing to the death rattle
La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie
Credulous at best, your desire to believe in angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out your hippy haze and give a listen.
Shouldn’t have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile. so Impersonal. devour to survive.
So it is. So it’s always been.
We all feed on tragedy
It’s like blood to a vampire
Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I”